September 26, 2018 at 10:58 pm | Posted in Religion, Truth | Leave a comment

I am proud tears are dripping down my face as I write this. It shows me I am a human with feelings and still care like a human should. For I know what hell is. I’ve been to hell. And I lived in Hell for years. Hell’s fires scorched and burned me like no mortal flames ever did or have.
Amanda was around 3 years old in these two pictures taken by my Father and her grandfather at his house in 1982. I’m not sure what day or month. it was summer time. And she was the light of my life, my daughter Amanda.
A year later she was dead. Murdered. By her mother, who got 10 years for manslaughter. We were already separated by then and Amanda was living in a town 600 miles away, when her life was unjustly ended. She was murdered while I was at my Uncles funeral. In 1983 there wasn’t really any counseling services for people like me that went through what I went threw. Her funeral was the most wretched experience ever in my life. Children are suppose to attend the parents funeral, not the parents attend the funeral of the child.  I believe I had PTSD or whatever its named. For years after that horrid dark day, I could not even go around children, it would make me cry just seeing them.  The people I knew then, I burned all their bridges, twice and tree times. For they brought up memories I was trying to burn to ash.  I could not even talk about this for years. the only councilor I could find for those years was booze which I stopped drinking decades ago. That’s is just a bit of the hellish hell fires I walked in for years and still today it reaches out from the past and scorches me on the inside ever now and then.
I thank God as much as possible that when she was alive that I spent as much time as I could with her and that I never, not even once spanked or punished her for anything whatsoever. For I know that Children under four years old  are learning and if they do something wrong, its the teachers fault not theirs.
Even Today decades later I  still have problems dealing with this but at least I can talk about it now and like seeing children smile, play or do all those wonderous things we do as children.

Spend time with those in your life, its more important than money and something you will cherish more.


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